After this situation with D, I’ve been trying to pysch myself in thinking I was good without him, that he was a low down bastard not worth my heart. Whether that’s true or not, I failed in pysching myself out.
I been in a little depressing mood, or funk, I would prefer to call it. I don’t like to call what I’m feeling depression, because I can still laugh, talk and have a good time in spite of what my heart is going through. High functioning depression maybe?
I’ve found myself thinking about him while laying in bed waiting for sleep to set in. Thinking about him holding me like he did that last time. Feeling the heat from his body. Feeling his breath on the back of my neck. Feeling him pulling me close to him throughout the night.
Anyway, I’ve finally realized that it’s just going to take time to get over this guy, I can even start to feel that it’s working. But it sucks that this guy I once cared for (and somewhat still do), doesn’t seem to care or be concern about one iota about my life. Is honesty so much to ask for these days? Just tell me you’re not interested, I could deal with that better than total lack of apathy.
#idontgetit
Tags: depression, funk, honesty, love sucks, Men, mood, relationships